ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
