hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
