I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
