ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I intend to get homeless drunk
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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