census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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