so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
