I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Also, beer. Big fan.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize