I wish I could punch you in the face.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need to sanitize my soul.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
