I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
