i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
