Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
