First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
