Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
