I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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