I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize