is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
