you win again, gameday.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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