Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
