can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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