he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize