i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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