The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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