I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
