I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
