the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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