I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
