Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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