ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
