She went from zero to smokin in five shots
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
