He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
