yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
