i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
