he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize