I want to make a zoo with you.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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