Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
