Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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