Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think my moral compass just broke
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