I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
