The beers last night were like the tears from god
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
