I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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