I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize