I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
