if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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