i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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