Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
