im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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