Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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