God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
