It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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