I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
