Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize