did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
