i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
