I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
