A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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