...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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