Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
