Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
