Can i not drive my cunt home
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
