I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
