So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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