I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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