You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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