UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
