I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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