So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
