someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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