just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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