I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
