Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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