You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
