He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
