I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize