Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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