then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
