I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
