I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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