she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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