How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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