Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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