God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
