I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
