i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
