Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
