i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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