You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize