i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
