its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
