when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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