definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Two words: blizzard sex
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
