They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
