So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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