In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
