They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
