So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
