Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
