I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
