u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Girls should come with a carfax report
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
