Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
