happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
operation harelip BJ is a go
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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