I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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