Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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